Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 03

First Questions

15|00|00|12|R|S|So where do you think we are?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|12|L|S|This line could be the end of the line.
15|00|00|12|R|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|You mean like the long dark tunnel?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|06|L|S|Could be.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|S|Head for the light!
16|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|20|R|Q|
16|00|00|20|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|So, what happened to our clothes?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|T|????
16|00|00|12|L|T|????

Act 01 Scene 04

Jealous Lover

04|00|08|12|L|S|Oh no. Oh no!
What did he do!
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|14|08|L|Q|
03|00|08|08|R|S|Where the
heck are we?

04|00|14|14|L|S|We got caught.
And we paid the price.
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|14|09|L|Q|
03|00|09|09|R|S|Caught?
What price?

04|00|09|12|L|S|The jealous bastard lost his temper.
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|07|06|L|Q|
03|00|08|06|R|S|You mean,
we`re...?

04|00|07|14|L|S|Oh God! Oh God!
Was it worth it?
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|07|04|R|S|Uhhh...
Well...

04|00|14|10|L|T|!!!!
03|00|07|10|R|T|????

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|00|04|R|Q|

04|00|07|02|L|Q|
03|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it.

23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky.
24|00|00|20|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am.

23|00|00|48|R|Q|
24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly.

23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 02 Scene 01

Figurative Jesus

13|00|00|12|R|S|I don`t know how you could possibly do it.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|06|R|Q|
14|00|00|06|L|S|Do what?

13|00|00|12|R|S|What Jesus would do.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|S|We can`t all wander around preaching now can we?
14|00|00|04|L|T|????
14|00|00|04|L|Q|
14|00|00|04|L|T|!!!!

13|00|00|12|R|S|You couldn`t even own a car!
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|S|You couldn`t own a house. You couldn`t have a pet!
14|00|00|12|L|T|!!!!

13|00|00|12|R|S|I don`t know how you could possibly do it.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|Q|
14|00|00|12|L|S|You may be taking the idea too literally.

13|00|00|20|R|S|So I should do what Jesus would do... figuratively?
14|00|00|20|L|Q|

13|00|00|06|R|Q|
14|00|00|06|L|S|Well...

13|00|00|20|R|S|``Here street-person: Feast on this figurative piece of bread.``
14|00|00|20|L|Q|????

13|00|00|06|R|T|!!!!
14|00|00|06|L|T|!!!!

Act 02 Scene 04

Parental Rights

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|Do you think abortion will carry a high price tag?

20|00|00|16|R|S|If so, there will be a lot of wailing up ahead.
21|00|00|16|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I`m at both ends of the spectrum on abortion.

20|00|00|06|R|S|How do you mean?
21|00|00|06|L|Q|

20|00|00|20|R|Q|
21|00|08|20|L|S|I believe that life begins at conception. A zygote is a human being. Period.

20|00|00|04|R|S|And...?
21|00|00|04|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I also believe that you have the right to kill your children until they leave home.

20|00|08|08|R|T|!!!!
21|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q|
18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right?
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|00|14|L|Q|

19|00|14|18|L|Q|
18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|18|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|34|L|Q|
18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|34|L|Q|

20|00|14|40|L|Q|
19|00|14|40|L|Q|
18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|40|L|Q|

19|00|14|46|L|Q|
18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|46|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

20|00|14|30|L|Q|
19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off.
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think?
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous.
18|00|08|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit.
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think?
18|00|08|10|L|Q|
17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|20|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother.
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean?

00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|26|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay?
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|T|????

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what...

00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|28|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious.
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah.
00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead.
00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|22|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|But...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know
how many people
in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t...
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know why trespasses happened, and understand.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because
I know why
someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

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Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
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01|00|13|28|R|Q|
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12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you?
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine.
12|00|13|06|R|Q|

13|00|13|06|L|Q|
13|00|13|04|L|S|You know.
13|00|13|12|L|Q|
13|00|13|06|L|Q|

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01|00|13|44|R|Q|
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04|00|13|44|R|Q|
05|00|13|44|R|Q|

06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.

06|00|13|04|R|Q|

07|00|13|04|L|Q|
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|12|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|Q|

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17|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there?
17|00|13|04|R|Q|

18|00|13|04|L|Q|
18|00|13|10|L|Q|
18|00|13|04|L|S|I know.

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