Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 02

Quite a Few

21|00|00|10|L|S|There are a few people in this line.
21|00|00|02|L|Q|
20|00|00|12|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|Q|
20|00|00|10|R|S|Not just a few.
There are quite a few.
20|00|00|02|R|Q|

21|00|00|20|L|S|It`s not quite a few.
It`s almost a few.
But it`s not quite a few.
21|00|00|02|L|Q|
20|00|00|22|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|Q|
20|00|00|10|R|S|Oh, no...
It`s quite a few.
20|00|00|02|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|T|!!!!
20|00|00|12|R|T|!!!!

Act 01 Scene 03

First Questions

15|00|00|12|R|S|So where do you think we are?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|12|L|S|This line could be the end of the line.
15|00|00|12|R|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|You mean like the long dark tunnel?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|06|L|S|Could be.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|S|Head for the light!
16|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|20|R|Q|
16|00|00|20|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|So, what happened to our clothes?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|T|????
16|00|00|12|L|T|????

Act 01 Scene 06

Selfish Love

12|00|00|34|R|S|If someone says
`I love you`,
it should not affect how you feel about them.
13|00|00|22|L|Q|
13|00|00|12|L|T|????

12|00|00|24|R|S|The statement
`I love you`
is merely a confession of one`s need.
13|00|00|24|L|Q|

12|00|00|30|R|S|It is a request for assistance.
A cry for help.
A demand to have oneself made complete.
13|00|00|30|L|Q|

12|00|00|12|R|Q|
13|00|00|12|L|S|There is nothing wrong in wanting to be loved.

12|00|00|12|R|S|No more than there is in wanting a sandwich.
13|00|00|12|L|Q|

12|00|00|30|R|S|Only God can love selflessly.
Human love
can only be
selfishly motivated.
13|00|00|30|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol.
06|00|00|05|L|Q|
06|00|00|05|L|T|????

05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God.
06|00|00|10|L|Q|
06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!!

05|00|00|14|R|Q|
06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal?

05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal.
06|00|00|16|L|Q|

05|00|00|06|R|Q|
06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace.

05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes.
06|00|00|04|L|Q|

05|00|00|18|R|Q|
06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex.

05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!!
06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....``

05|00|00|08|R|T|????
06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you.
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|10|L|Q|
11|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day...
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|????
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze.
15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!!
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing.
11|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
11|00|00|06|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo!
11|00|00|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny!
16|00|14|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|14|R|Q|
16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day!

15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day...
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|32|L|Q|

15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!!

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q|
18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right?
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|00|14|L|Q|

19|00|14|18|L|Q|
18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|18|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|34|L|Q|
18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|34|L|Q|

20|00|14|40|L|Q|
19|00|14|40|L|Q|
18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|40|L|Q|

19|00|14|46|L|Q|
18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|46|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

20|00|14|30|L|Q|
19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off.
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think?
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous.
18|00|08|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit.
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think?
18|00|08|10|L|Q|
17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

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Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|20|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother.
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean?

00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|26|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay?
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|T|????

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what...

00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|28|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious.
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah.
00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead.
00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|22|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|But...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
???
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

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Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

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01|00|13|28|R|Q|
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12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you?
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine.
12|00|13|06|R|Q|

13|00|13|06|L|Q|
13|00|13|04|L|S|You know.
13|00|13|12|L|Q|
13|00|13|06|L|Q|

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01|00|13|44|R|Q|
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04|00|13|44|R|Q|
05|00|13|44|R|Q|

06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.

06|00|13|04|R|Q|

07|00|13|04|L|Q|
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|12|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|Q|

08|00|13|44|R|Q|
09|00|13|44|R|Q|
10|00|13|44|R|Q|
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20|00|13|44|R|Q|
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22|00|13|44|R|Q|
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24|00|13|44|R|Q|
25|00|13|44|R|Q|
26|00|13|44|R|Q|
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29|00|13|44|R|Q|
30|00|13|44|R|Q|


01|00|13|18|R|Q|
02|00|13|18|R|Q|
03|00|13|18|R|Q|
04|00|13|18|R|Q|
05|00|13|18|R|Q|
06|00|13|18|R|Q|
07|00|13|18|R|Q|
08|00|13|18|R|Q|
09|00|13|18|R|Q|
10|00|13|18|R|Q|
11|00|13|18|R|Q|
12|00|13|18|R|Q|
13|00|13|18|R|Q|
14|00|13|18|R|Q|
15|00|13|18|R|Q|
16|00|13|18|R|Q|

17|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there?
17|00|13|04|R|Q|

18|00|13|04|L|Q|
18|00|13|10|L|Q|
18|00|13|04|L|S|I know.

19|00|13|18|R|Q|
20|00|13|18|R|Q|
21|00|13|18|R|Q|
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30|00|13|18|R|Q|


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