Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 05

Can`t Relate

07|00|00|18|R|S|All relationships are born from the selfish motives of the two parties.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|T|????

07|00|00|24|R|S|The relationship endures only as long as the two parties are fulfilling their own selfish motives.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|Depressing notion.

07|00|00|24|R|S|So why would I start a relationship with someone who is only there to satisfy selfish motives?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|You wouldn`t.

07|00|00|24|R|S|With someone who will only stay in the relationship as long as their motives are addressed?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|08|R|Q|
08|00|00|08|L|T|????

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|I`ll be your friend.

07|00|00|04|R|S|Alright.
08|00|00|04|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 07

Fresh Accident

19|00|00|24|R|S|What the hell do you think you were doing?
You moved right over in front of us!
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|Q|
20|00|00|24|L|S|That other guy was merging in from the on-ramp.
What were we supposed to do?
Slam on the brakes?
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|24|R|S|So you move over in front of us, so we have to slam on the brakes!
Is that better?
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|20|R|Q|
20|00|00|14|L|S|We were just trying to be nice - something you would have no idea about.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|24|R|S|Nice to one, but rude to many!
If either of us hits the brakes, the entire highway slows down.
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|20|R|Q|
20|00|00|14|L|S|It`s not going to hurt anybody to slow down.
You`re just being selfish.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|14|R|S|Not going to hurt anybody?!!!
The accident you caused hurt a few!
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|20|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|Q|
20|00|00|24|L|S|If you hadn`t been going so fast, it wouldn`t have happened.
If we would all just give a little, everyone would fare better.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|S|I`m gonna give you a little...... Hey....
Where the hell are we, anyway?
This must be one huge hospital.
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|36|L|Q|

19|00|00|36|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|S|Well... I remember hurting my arm in the accident, but it seems to be fine now.
Maybe this is the recovery room.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|06|R|S|But why are we in line?
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|08|R|T|????
20|00|00|08|L|T|????

19|00|00|08|R|Q|
20|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 09

Final Success

17|00|00|12|R|S|What the...
Where the hell am I?
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|You`re close.

17|00|00|10|R|S|I was...
Oh no!
I can`t believe I did it.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|Q|

17|00|00|06|R|Q|
18|00|00|06|L|S|Did what?

17|00|00|12|R|S|My life has been one failure after the next.
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|Testify.

17|00|00|16|R|S|I said,
``I`m gonna be a success,
if it`s the last thing I do!``
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|20|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|And so it was.

17|00|00|14|R|S|I finally succeeded at something,
and it was my biggest failure of all.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|18|L|Q|

17|00|00|18|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|S|The distance between success and failure can be paper thin.
18|00|00|04|L|Q|

17|00|00|02|R|Q|
18|00|07|02|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol.
06|00|00|05|L|Q|
06|00|00|05|L|T|????

05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God.
06|00|00|10|L|Q|
06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!!

05|00|00|14|R|Q|
06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal?

05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal.
06|00|00|16|L|Q|

05|00|00|06|R|Q|
06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace.

05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes.
06|00|00|04|L|Q|

05|00|00|18|R|Q|
06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex.

05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!!
06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....``

05|00|00|08|R|T|????
06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 04

Parental Rights

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|Do you think abortion will carry a high price tag?

20|00|00|16|R|S|If so, there will be a lot of wailing up ahead.
21|00|00|16|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I`m at both ends of the spectrum on abortion.

20|00|00|06|R|S|How do you mean?
21|00|00|06|L|Q|

20|00|00|20|R|Q|
21|00|08|20|L|S|I believe that life begins at conception. A zygote is a human being. Period.

20|00|00|04|R|S|And...?
21|00|00|04|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I also believe that you have the right to kill your children until they leave home.

20|00|08|08|R|T|!!!!
21|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 06

The Rub

12|00|00|12|L|S|Anyone can have a partner.
11|00|00|12|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|T|????

12|00|00|24|L|S|As long as they are willing to adjust their standards, they will always have someone.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|What?

12|00|00|32|L|S|So, anytime you want someone to be your partner, you have to convince them that you are more desirable than the partner they have.
11|00|00|32|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|OK.

12|00|00|24|L|S|Sometimes, this is not that hard. Sometimes, this requires considerable effort.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah?

12|00|00|10|L|S|And there`s the rub.
11|00|00|10|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|T|????

12|00|00|24|L|S|I could never bring myself to work that hard at proving that I was better than someone else.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|Pity.

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know
how many people
in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t...
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know why trespasses happened, and understand.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because
I know why
someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
???
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
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01|00|13|24|R|Q|
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22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus?
22|00|13|16|R|Q|

23|00|13|08|L|Q|
23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries.

24|00|13|24|R|Q|
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