Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 05

Can`t Relate

07|00|00|18|R|S|All relationships are born from the selfish motives of the two parties.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|T|????

07|00|00|24|R|S|The relationship endures only as long as the two parties are fulfilling their own selfish motives.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|Depressing notion.

07|00|00|24|R|S|So why would I start a relationship with someone who is only there to satisfy selfish motives?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|You wouldn`t.

07|00|00|24|R|S|With someone who will only stay in the relationship as long as their motives are addressed?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|08|R|Q|
08|00|00|08|L|T|????

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|I`ll be your friend.

07|00|00|04|R|S|Alright.
08|00|00|04|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it.

23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky.
24|00|00|20|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am.

23|00|00|48|R|Q|
24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly.

23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 10

Aldolf Sweetie

07|01|00|26|R|S|Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich in solch einer langen Reihe, da dies zu stehen!
07|01|00|04|R|Q|
08|09|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|18|R|Q|
08|00|00|14|L|S|Adolf, sweetie, calm down. There`s nothing you can do about it.
08|00|00|04|L|Q|

07|00|00|26|R|S|Woher kommen all diese Leute und warum muss ich hinter ihnen warten?
07|00|00|04|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|26|R|Q|
08|00|08|22|L|S|It`s your own fault. If you hadn`t killed all those Jews, the line wouldn`t be so long!
08|00|09|04|L|Q|

07|00|00|08|R|T|!!!!
08|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
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27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 02

Own a Burger

15|00|07|12|R|S|Now I`m really starting to feel guilty for all the stuff I own.
15|00|07|03|R|Q|
16|00|00|15|L|Q|

15|00|07|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|06|L|S|You mean,
``Owned``.

15|00|08|10|R|S|If only I had given it all to the poor.
15|00|08|03|R|Q|
16|00|08|13|L|Q|

15|00|07|06|R|Q|
16|00|08|06|L|S|Then they would own it.

15|00|07|06|R|S|What?
16|00|08|06|L|Q|

15|00|07|08|R|Q|
16|00|14|08|L|S|You cannot avoid owning things.

15|00|07|04|R|S|Sure I can.
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|14|12|L|S|Once you eat a burger, you own it.
16|00|14|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|04|R|T|????
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|09|12|L|S|We have to possess things in order to survive.
16|00|09|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|08|12|L|S|No sense in feeling guilty for making yourself comfortable.
16|00|08|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|12|R|T|????
16|00|08|12|L|Q|

15|00|08|08|R|S|I gave the burger back eventually.
15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|12|L|Q|

15|00|08|08|R|Q|
16|00|14|08|L|T|!!!!

15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|14|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|07|04|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you.
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|10|L|Q|
11|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day...
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|????
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze.
15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!!
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing.
11|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
11|00|00|06|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo!
11|00|00|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny!
16|00|14|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|14|R|Q|
16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day!

15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day...
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|32|L|Q|

15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!!

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals?
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said.
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|22|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.``
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|So?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|24|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough.
09|00|00|02|L|Q|
08|00|00|06|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|20|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother.
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know
how many people
in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t...
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know why trespasses happened, and understand.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because
I know why
someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
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29|00|13|08|R|Q|
30|00|13|08|R|Q|


01|00|13|24|R|Q|
02|00|13|24|R|Q|
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22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus?
22|00|13|16|R|Q|

23|00|13|08|L|Q|
23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries.

24|00|13|24|R|Q|
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