Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 03

First Questions

15|00|00|12|R|S|So where do you think we are?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|12|L|S|This line could be the end of the line.
15|00|00|12|R|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|You mean like the long dark tunnel?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

16|00|00|06|L|S|Could be.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|S|Head for the light!
16|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|20|R|Q|
16|00|00|20|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|S|So, what happened to our clothes?
16|00|00|12|L|Q|

15|00|00|12|R|T|????
16|00|00|12|L|T|????

Act 01 Scene 04

Jealous Lover

04|00|08|12|L|S|Oh no. Oh no!
What did he do!
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|14|08|L|Q|
03|00|08|08|R|S|Where the
heck are we?

04|00|14|14|L|S|We got caught.
And we paid the price.
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|14|09|L|Q|
03|00|09|09|R|S|Caught?
What price?

04|00|09|12|L|S|The jealous bastard lost his temper.
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|07|06|L|Q|
03|00|08|06|R|S|You mean,
we`re...?

04|00|07|14|L|S|Oh God! Oh God!
Was it worth it?
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|07|04|R|S|Uhhh...
Well...

04|00|14|10|L|T|!!!!
03|00|07|10|R|T|????

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|00|04|R|Q|

04|00|07|02|L|Q|
03|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it.

23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky.
24|00|00|20|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am.

23|00|00|48|R|Q|
24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly.

23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck?
24|00|00|10|L|Q|

23|00|00|10|R|Q|
24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
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30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 02

Own a Burger

15|00|07|12|R|S|Now I`m really starting to feel guilty for all the stuff I own.
15|00|07|03|R|Q|
16|00|00|15|L|Q|

15|00|07|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|06|L|S|You mean,
``Owned``.

15|00|08|10|R|S|If only I had given it all to the poor.
15|00|08|03|R|Q|
16|00|08|13|L|Q|

15|00|07|06|R|Q|
16|00|08|06|L|S|Then they would own it.

15|00|07|06|R|S|What?
16|00|08|06|L|Q|

15|00|07|08|R|Q|
16|00|14|08|L|S|You cannot avoid owning things.

15|00|07|04|R|S|Sure I can.
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|14|12|L|S|Once you eat a burger, you own it.
16|00|14|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|04|R|T|????
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|09|12|L|S|We have to possess things in order to survive.
16|00|09|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|15|R|Q|
16|00|08|12|L|S|No sense in feeling guilty for making yourself comfortable.
16|00|08|03|L|Q|

15|00|07|12|R|T|????
16|00|08|12|L|Q|

15|00|08|08|R|S|I gave the burger back eventually.
15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|12|L|Q|

15|00|08|08|R|Q|
16|00|14|08|L|T|!!!!

15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|08|04|R|Q|
16|00|14|04|L|Q|

15|00|07|04|R|Q|
16|00|08|04|L|Q|

15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|07|04|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 04

Parental Rights

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|Do you think abortion will carry a high price tag?

20|00|00|16|R|S|If so, there will be a lot of wailing up ahead.
21|00|00|16|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I`m at both ends of the spectrum on abortion.

20|00|00|06|R|S|How do you mean?
21|00|00|06|L|Q|

20|00|00|20|R|Q|
21|00|08|20|L|S|I believe that life begins at conception. A zygote is a human being. Period.

20|00|00|04|R|S|And...?
21|00|00|04|L|Q|

20|00|00|16|R|Q|
21|00|00|16|L|S|I also believe that you have the right to kill your children until they leave home.

20|00|08|08|R|T|!!!!
21|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you.
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|10|L|Q|
11|00|00|10|L|Q|

15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day...
15|00|00|04|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|????
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze.
15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|Q|
16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!!
11|00|00|34|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing.
11|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
11|00|00|06|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo!
11|00|00|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|10|R|Q|
16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny!
16|00|14|06|L|Q|

15|00|00|08|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|

15|00|00|14|R|Q|
16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day!

15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day...
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|32|L|Q|

15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing.
15|00|00|06|R|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|Q|
16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!!

15|00|00|16|R|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|Q|
16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|20|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother.
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean?

00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|26|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard?
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay?
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|T|????

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what...

00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like?
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|28|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious.
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah.
00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead.
00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|00|22|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|But...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
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Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
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30|00|13|08|R|Q|


01|00|13|28|R|Q|
02|00|13|28|R|Q|
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09|00|13|28|R|Q|
10|00|13|28|R|Q|
11|00|13|28|R|Q|

12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you?
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine.
12|00|13|06|R|Q|

13|00|13|06|L|Q|
13|00|13|04|L|S|You know.
13|00|13|12|L|Q|
13|00|13|06|L|Q|

14|00|13|28|R|Q|
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01|00|13|44|R|Q|
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04|00|13|44|R|Q|
05|00|13|44|R|Q|

06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.

06|00|13|04|R|Q|

07|00|13|04|L|Q|
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|12|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|Q|

08|00|13|44|R|Q|
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17|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there?
17|00|13|04|R|Q|

18|00|13|04|L|Q|
18|00|13|10|L|Q|
18|00|13|04|L|S|I know.

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25|00|13|18|R|Q|
26|00|13|18|R|Q|
27|00|13|18|R|Q|
28|00|13|18|R|Q|
29|00|13|18|R|Q|
30|00|13|18|R|Q|


01|00|13|08|R|Q|
02|00|13|08|R|Q|
03|00|13|08|R|Q|
04|00|13|08|R|Q|
05|00|13|08|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|Q|
07|00|13|08|R|Q|
08|00|13|08|R|Q|
09|00|13|08|R|Q|
10|00|13|08|R|Q|
11|00|13|08|R|Q|
12|00|13|08|R|Q|
13|00|13|08|R|Q|
14|00|13|08|R|Q|
15|00|13|08|R|Q|
16|00|13|08|R|Q|
17|00|13|08|R|Q|
18|00|13|08|R|Q|
19|00|13|08|R|Q|
20|00|13|08|R|Q|
21|00|13|08|R|Q|
22|00|13|08|R|Q|
23|00|13|08|R|Q|
24|00|13|08|R|Q|
25|00|13|08|R|Q|
26|00|13|08|R|Q|
27|00|13|08|R|Q|
28|00|13|08|R|Q|
29|00|13|08|R|Q|
30|00|13|08|R|Q|