Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 04

Jealous Lover

04|00|08|12|L|S|Oh no. Oh no!
What did he do!
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|14|08|L|Q|
03|00|08|08|R|S|Where the
heck are we?

04|00|14|14|L|S|We got caught.
And we paid the price.
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|14|09|L|Q|
03|00|09|09|R|S|Caught?
What price?

04|00|09|12|L|S|The jealous bastard lost his temper.
03|00|07|12|R|Q|

04|00|07|06|L|Q|
03|00|08|06|R|S|You mean,
we`re...?

04|00|07|14|L|S|Oh God! Oh God!
Was it worth it?
03|00|08|14|R|Q|

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|07|04|R|S|Uhhh...
Well...

04|00|14|10|L|T|!!!!
03|00|07|10|R|T|????

04|00|13|04|L|Q|
03|00|00|04|R|Q|

04|00|07|02|L|Q|
03|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 05

Can`t Relate

07|00|00|18|R|S|All relationships are born from the selfish motives of the two parties.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|12|L|T|????

07|00|00|24|R|S|The relationship endures only as long as the two parties are fulfilling their own selfish motives.
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|Depressing notion.

07|00|00|24|R|S|So why would I start a relationship with someone who is only there to satisfy selfish motives?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|You wouldn`t.

07|00|00|24|R|S|With someone who will only stay in the relationship as long as their motives are addressed?
07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|30|L|Q|

07|00|00|08|R|Q|
08|00|00|08|L|T|????

07|00|00|06|R|Q|
08|00|00|06|L|S|I`ll be your friend.

07|00|00|04|R|S|Alright.
08|00|00|04|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 09

Final Success

17|00|00|12|R|S|What the...
Where the hell am I?
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|You`re close.

17|00|00|10|R|S|I was...
Oh no!
I can`t believe I did it.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|Q|

17|00|00|06|R|Q|
18|00|00|06|L|S|Did what?

17|00|00|12|R|S|My life has been one failure after the next.
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|Testify.

17|00|00|16|R|S|I said,
``I`m gonna be a success,
if it`s the last thing I do!``
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|20|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|And so it was.

17|00|00|14|R|S|I finally succeeded at something,
and it was my biggest failure of all.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|18|L|Q|

17|00|00|18|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|S|The distance between success and failure can be paper thin.
18|00|00|04|L|Q|

17|00|00|02|R|Q|
18|00|07|02|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
07|00|13|04|R|Q|
08|00|13|04|R|Q|
09|00|13|04|R|Q|
10|00|13|04|R|Q|
11|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
13|00|13|04|R|Q|
14|00|13|04|R|Q|
15|00|13|04|R|Q|
16|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|04|R|Q|
18|00|13|04|R|Q|
19|00|13|04|R|Q|
20|00|13|04|R|Q|
21|00|13|04|R|Q|
22|00|13|04|R|Q|
23|00|13|04|R|Q|
24|00|13|04|R|Q|
25|00|13|04|R|Q|
26|00|13|04|R|Q|
27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 01

Figurative Jesus

13|00|00|12|R|S|I don`t know how you could possibly do it.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|06|R|Q|
14|00|00|06|L|S|Do what?

13|00|00|12|R|S|What Jesus would do.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|S|We can`t all wander around preaching now can we?
14|00|00|04|L|T|????
14|00|00|04|L|Q|
14|00|00|04|L|T|!!!!

13|00|00|12|R|S|You couldn`t even own a car!
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|S|You couldn`t own a house. You couldn`t have a pet!
14|00|00|12|L|T|!!!!

13|00|00|12|R|S|I don`t know how you could possibly do it.
14|00|00|12|L|Q|

13|00|00|12|R|Q|
14|00|00|12|L|S|You may be taking the idea too literally.

13|00|00|20|R|S|So I should do what Jesus would do... figuratively?
14|00|00|20|L|Q|

13|00|00|06|R|Q|
14|00|00|06|L|S|Well...

13|00|00|20|R|S|``Here street-person: Feast on this figurative piece of bread.``
14|00|00|20|L|Q|????

13|00|00|06|R|T|!!!!
14|00|00|06|L|T|!!!!

Act 02 Scene 06

The Rub

12|00|00|12|L|S|Anyone can have a partner.
11|00|00|12|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|T|????

12|00|00|24|L|S|As long as they are willing to adjust their standards, they will always have someone.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|What?

12|00|00|32|L|S|So, anytime you want someone to be your partner, you have to convince them that you are more desirable than the partner they have.
11|00|00|32|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|OK.

12|00|00|24|L|S|Sometimes, this is not that hard. Sometimes, this requires considerable effort.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah?

12|00|00|10|L|S|And there`s the rub.
11|00|00|10|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|T|????

12|00|00|24|L|S|I could never bring myself to work that hard at proving that I was better than someone else.
11|00|00|24|R|Q|

12|00|00|04|L|Q|
11|00|00|04|R|S|Pity.

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals?
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said.
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|22|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.``
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|So?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|24|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough.
09|00|00|02|L|Q|
08|00|00|06|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
07|00|13|04|R|Q|
08|00|13|04|R|Q|
09|00|13|04|R|Q|
10|00|13|04|R|Q|
11|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
13|00|13|04|R|Q|
14|00|13|04|R|Q|
15|00|13|04|R|Q|
16|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|04|R|Q|
18|00|13|04|R|Q|
19|00|13|04|R|Q|
20|00|13|04|R|Q|
21|00|13|04|R|Q|
22|00|13|04|R|Q|
23|00|13|04|R|Q|
24|00|13|04|R|Q|
25|00|13|04|R|Q|
26|00|13|04|R|Q|
27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know
how many people
in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t...
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know why trespasses happened, and understand.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because
I know why
someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
???
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven!
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
07|00|13|04|R|Q|
08|00|13|04|R|Q|
09|00|13|04|R|Q|
10|00|13|04|R|Q|
11|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
13|00|13|04|R|Q|
14|00|13|04|R|Q|
15|00|13|04|R|Q|
16|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|04|R|Q|
18|00|13|04|R|Q|
19|00|13|04|R|Q|
20|00|13|04|R|Q|
21|00|13|04|R|Q|
22|00|13|04|R|Q|
23|00|13|04|R|Q|
24|00|13|04|R|Q|
25|00|13|04|R|Q|
26|00|13|04|R|Q|
27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
02|00|13|08|R|Q|
03|00|13|08|R|Q|
04|00|13|08|R|Q|
05|00|13|08|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|Q|
07|00|13|08|R|Q|
08|00|13|08|R|Q|
09|00|13|08|R|Q|
10|00|13|08|R|Q|
11|00|13|08|R|Q|
12|00|13|08|R|Q|
13|00|13|08|R|Q|
14|00|13|08|R|Q|
15|00|13|08|R|Q|
16|00|13|08|R|Q|
17|00|13|08|R|Q|
18|00|13|08|R|Q|
19|00|13|08|R|Q|
20|00|13|08|R|Q|
21|00|13|08|R|Q|
22|00|13|08|R|Q|
23|00|13|08|R|Q|
24|00|13|08|R|Q|
25|00|13|08|R|Q|
26|00|13|08|R|Q|
27|00|13|08|R|Q|
28|00|13|08|R|Q|
29|00|13|08|R|Q|
30|00|13|08|R|Q|


01|00|13|24|R|Q|
02|00|13|24|R|Q|
03|00|13|24|R|Q|
04|00|13|24|R|Q|
05|00|13|24|R|Q|
06|00|13|24|R|Q|
07|00|13|24|R|Q|
08|00|13|24|R|Q|
09|00|13|24|R|Q|
10|00|13|24|R|Q|
11|00|13|24|R|Q|
12|00|13|24|R|Q|
13|00|13|24|R|Q|
14|00|13|24|R|Q|
15|00|13|24|R|Q|
16|00|13|24|R|Q|
17|00|13|24|R|Q|
18|00|13|24|R|Q|
19|00|13|24|R|Q|
20|00|13|24|R|Q|
21|00|13|24|R|Q|

22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus?
22|00|13|16|R|Q|

23|00|13|08|L|Q|
23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries.

24|00|13|24|R|Q|
25|00|13|24|R|Q|
26|00|13|24|R|Q|
27|00|13|24|R|Q|
28|00|13|24|R|Q|
29|00|13|24|R|Q|
30|00|13|24|R|Q|


01|00|13|08|R|Q|
02|00|13|08|R|Q|
03|00|13|08|R|Q|
04|00|13|08|R|Q|
05|00|13|08|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|Q|
07|00|13|08|R|Q|
08|00|13|08|R|Q|
09|00|13|08|R|Q|
10|00|13|08|R|Q|
11|00|13|08|R|Q|
12|00|13|08|R|Q|
13|00|13|08|R|Q|
14|00|13|08|R|Q|
15|00|13|08|R|Q|
16|00|13|08|R|Q|
17|00|13|08|R|Q|
18|00|13|08|R|Q|
19|00|13|08|R|Q|
20|00|13|08|R|Q|
21|00|13|08|R|Q|
22|00|13|08|R|Q|
23|00|13|08|R|Q|
24|00|13|08|R|Q|
25|00|13|08|R|Q|
26|00|13|08|R|Q|
27|00|13|08|R|Q|
28|00|13|08|R|Q|
29|00|13|08|R|Q|
30|00|13|08|R|Q|