Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 02

Quite a Few

21|00|00|10|L|S|There are a few people in this line.
21|00|00|02|L|Q|
20|00|00|12|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|Q|
20|00|00|10|R|S|Not just a few.
There are quite a few.
20|00|00|02|R|Q|

21|00|00|20|L|S|It`s not quite a few.
It`s almost a few.
But it`s not quite a few.
21|00|00|02|L|Q|
20|00|00|22|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|Q|
20|00|00|10|R|S|Oh, no...
It`s quite a few.
20|00|00|02|R|Q|

21|00|00|12|L|T|!!!!
20|00|00|12|R|T|!!!!

Act 01 Scene 07

Fresh Accident

19|00|00|24|R|S|What the hell do you think you were doing?
You moved right over in front of us!
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|Q|
20|00|00|24|L|S|That other guy was merging in from the on-ramp.
What were we supposed to do?
Slam on the brakes?
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|24|R|S|So you move over in front of us, so we have to slam on the brakes!
Is that better?
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|20|R|Q|
20|00|00|14|L|S|We were just trying to be nice - something you would have no idea about.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|24|R|S|Nice to one, but rude to many!
If either of us hits the brakes, the entire highway slows down.
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|Q|

19|00|00|20|R|Q|
20|00|00|14|L|S|It`s not going to hurt anybody to slow down.
You`re just being selfish.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|14|R|S|Not going to hurt anybody?!!!
The accident you caused hurt a few!
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|20|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|Q|
20|00|00|24|L|S|If you hadn`t been going so fast, it wouldn`t have happened.
If we would all just give a little, everyone would fare better.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|30|R|S|I`m gonna give you a little...... Hey....
Where the hell are we, anyway?
This must be one huge hospital.
19|00|00|06|R|Q|
20|00|00|36|L|Q|

19|00|00|36|R|Q|
20|00|00|30|L|S|Well... I remember hurting my arm in the accident, but it seems to be fine now.
Maybe this is the recovery room.
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|06|R|S|But why are we in line?
20|00|00|06|L|Q|

19|00|00|08|R|T|????
20|00|00|08|L|T|????

19|00|00|08|R|Q|
20|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 09

Final Success

17|00|00|12|R|S|What the...
Where the hell am I?
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|You`re close.

17|00|00|10|R|S|I was...
Oh no!
I can`t believe I did it.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|Q|

17|00|00|06|R|Q|
18|00|00|06|L|S|Did what?

17|00|00|12|R|S|My life has been one failure after the next.
18|00|00|12|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|Testify.

17|00|00|16|R|S|I said,
``I`m gonna be a success,
if it`s the last thing I do!``
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|20|L|Q|

17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|04|L|S|And so it was.

17|00|00|14|R|S|I finally succeeded at something,
and it was my biggest failure of all.
17|00|00|04|R|Q|
18|00|00|18|L|Q|

17|00|00|18|R|Q|
18|00|00|14|L|S|The distance between success and failure can be paper thin.
18|00|00|04|L|Q|

17|00|00|02|R|Q|
18|00|07|02|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
07|00|13|04|R|Q|
08|00|13|04|R|Q|
09|00|13|04|R|Q|
10|00|13|04|R|Q|
11|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
13|00|13|04|R|Q|
14|00|13|04|R|Q|
15|00|13|04|R|Q|
16|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|04|R|Q|
18|00|13|04|R|Q|
19|00|13|04|R|Q|
20|00|13|04|R|Q|
21|00|13|04|R|Q|
22|00|13|04|R|Q|
23|00|13|04|R|Q|
24|00|13|04|R|Q|
25|00|13|04|R|Q|
26|00|13|04|R|Q|
27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals?
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said.
08|00|00|04|R|Q|

09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|22|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.``
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|06|L|Q|
08|00|00|04|R|S|So?
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|24|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough.
09|00|00|02|L|Q|
08|00|00|06|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not.
09|00|00|04|L|Q|
08|00|00|28|R|Q|

09|00|00|08|L|Q|
08|00|00|08|R|Q|

09|00|00|12|L|Q|
08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess.
08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 08

Year of our Lord

25|00|00|24|R|S|So if you reject God, and you refuse to celebrate Christmas, how do you keep time?
25|00|00|04|R|Q|
26|00|00|28|L|Q|

25|00|00|06|R|Q|
26|00|00|06|L|S|What?

25|00|00|30|R|S|I mean,
our whole calendar
is based on the
Year of our Lord.
You can`t subscribe
to that, can you?
25|00|00|04|R|Q|
26|00|00|34|L|Q|

25|00|00|06|R|Q|
26|00|00|06|L|S|Listen...

25|00|00|38|R|S|I suppose
you base your
calendar on the
carbon-dating
of the Earth.
So...
what`s that
make it?
About year
4 billion?
25|00|00|04|R|Q|
26|00|00|42|L|Q|

25|00|00|06|R|Q|
26|00|00|06|L|S|That`s stupid.

25|00|00|06|R|Q|
26|00|00|06|L|Q|

25|00|00|08|R|S|Must be hard to fit that on checks.
25|00|00|02|R|Q|
26|00|00|10|L|Q|

25|00|00|14|R|Q|
26|00|00|10|L|S|Nah, our bank gives us special checks with a big blank.
26|00|00|04|L|Q|

25|00|00|06|R|Q|
26|00|00|06|L|Q|

25|00|00|36|R|S|March 27th,
in the year
of our planet
4,509,831,672.
Has a nice ring to it.
25|00|00|04|R|Q|
26|00|00|40|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q|
18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right?
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|00|14|L|Q|

19|00|14|18|L|Q|
18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|18|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|34|L|Q|
18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|34|L|Q|

20|00|14|40|L|Q|
19|00|14|40|L|Q|
18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|40|L|Q|

19|00|14|46|L|Q|
18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|46|L|Q|

19|00|14|22|L|Q|
18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|22|L|Q|

20|00|14|30|L|Q|
19|00|14|30|L|Q|
18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off.
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|30|L|Q|

19|00|14|28|L|Q|
18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|28|L|Q|

19|00|14|24|L|Q|
18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?``
18|00|08|04|L|Q|
17|00|07|24|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think?
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|09|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous.
18|00|08|08|L|Q|
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|08|L|Q|
18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit.
17|00|07|08|L|Q|

19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think?
18|00|08|10|L|Q|
17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
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24|00|13|04|R|Q|
25|00|13|04|R|Q|
26|00|13|04|R|Q|
27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|08|R|Q|

00|DK|00|08|R|Q|
00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door.
00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|Q|
00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|20|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother.
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|20|R|Q|
00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|18|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|00|02|R|S|So?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|06|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|10|R|Q|

00|DK|00|06|R|Q|
00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know
how many people
in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|Q|
00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed...
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why?
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|16|R|Q|
00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|16|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t...
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|12|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know why trespasses happened, and understand.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|24|R|Q|

00|DK|00|14|R|Q|
00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because
I know why
someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them?
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|
00|00|00|14|R|Q|

00|DK|00|10|R|Q|
00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go.
00|00|00|02|R|Q|

00|DK|00|04|R|Q|
00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler.
00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q|
02|00|13|04|R|Q|
03|00|13|04|R|Q|
04|00|13|04|R|Q|
05|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
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27|00|13|04|R|Q|
28|00|13|04|R|Q|
29|00|13|04|R|Q|
30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q|
02|00|13|08|R|Q|
03|00|13|08|R|Q|
04|00|13|08|R|Q|
05|00|13|08|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|Q|
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10|00|13|08|R|Q|
11|00|13|08|R|Q|
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12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you?
12|00|13|04|R|Q|
12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine.
12|00|13|06|R|Q|

13|00|13|06|L|Q|
13|00|13|04|L|S|You know.
13|00|13|12|L|Q|
13|00|13|06|L|Q|

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06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral.
06|00|13|04|R|Q|
06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.

06|00|13|04|R|Q|

07|00|13|04|L|Q|
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|12|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|S|I know.
07|00|13|08|L|Q|
07|00|13|04|L|Q|

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17|00|13|04|R|Q|
17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there?
17|00|13|04|R|Q|

18|00|13|04|L|Q|
18|00|13|10|L|Q|
18|00|13|04|L|S|I know.

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